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A change is gonna come..

A change is gonna come..

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A GAY AND LESBIAN COMMUNITY PRESS RELEASE

WEEK: 09 -13 JULY 2007

Lesbian Killing: We Demand Justice!

(July 9, 2007) The South African lesbian and gay communities through the
Joint Working Group* and partner organisations STRONGLY CONDEMN the
killing of Sizakele Sigasa (34) and Salome Masooa (23) from a township
in Johannesburg. They were found (Sunday 8th July) murdered, execution
style, in a nearby field in Meadowlands; a shocking image that is not so
new in South Africa in the light of the recent increase in violence and
rape against women either identified as, suspected of or supporting
lesbian and gay rights.

Gays and lesbians are men and women, human beings who deserve equal
rights and treatment – not to be ridiculed or called names, beaten,
tortured, raped or killed. These gross human rights violations are not
just inhuman and barbaric – they must not be tolerated! Sizakele and
Salome’s killers, like everyone else, HAD NO RIGHT TO THREATEN OR KILL
THEM!!

Violence against lesbians and gays is unSouth African. Here, oppression
and discrimination have no place, still there are parents who reject or
kick children out to the streets; siblings, friends and communities who
hurt, beat, rape, torture and even kill lesbians and gays. If they
survive all this, they face further victimisation at in the hands of the
police and even the courts – THIS IS NOT JUSTICE AT ALL. People who
inflict harm upon and even kill lesbians and gays (or anyone else) do
not belong in South Africa. Leaders and communities that do not oppose
violence against gays, lesbians, women, children, rape survivors and
HIV+ people do not belong here.

1) We call on the Meadowlands Police Services to investigate this matter
- efficiently and rigorously;

2) We call on other state bodies and communities to support the families
by working with the Police and the Prosecuting Authorities towards
ensuring that the killers are brought to book.

We express our deepest condolences to the bereaved families and friends.
We offer our support to the colleagues and comrades as they mourn the
death of these two precious women.

MEMORIAL SERVICE: Thursday 12 July 2007, 12h00-15h00 (Epelegeng Centre)

FUNERAL: Saturday, 14 July 2007, 12h00 (Meadowlands Community Centre)

(Contact: Busi Kheswa, Gay and Lesbian Memory In Action, 011-717/4239/1963
Prudence Mabele, Positive Women’s Network, 078 383 9529)

For assistance in dealing with trauma and loss or for a debrief please
contact the:

UNISA Centre for Applied Psychology: 012 429 8089/8544 or OUT LGBT Well-
Being: 012-344-6500

Issued by Nonhlanhla Mkhize (031 301 2145) for the Joint Working Group
(JWG).

The JWG is a network of LGBTI organisations and partners in South
Africa. Our Vision is to strengthen the organised LGBTI sector to
maximise our response to LGBTI needs through partnerships, collective
use of resources, and drawing on the strengths of participating
organizations in contributing towards social justice and the
reconstruction and development of South African society.

it has been six months..

it took seeing d this weekend to realize that it has been six months. six months since she put her hands on me. six months since i crouched on the cold bathroom floor scared shitless. six months since i tasted fear on the tip of my tongue. six months it has been, & yet sometimes, it feels like it happened yesterday. frankly, i don’t know how to feel to be honest. there were the first couple of weeks when i was operating on panic-fuck-what-just happened mode. & then come the tears. over, and over, and over again. & in between the zombie stage and the heaving of the chest, i welcomed her back in. i’m not sure why. my friend r thinks i have attachment issues. it is a possibility. insert promises of a more healthier existence. less paranoia and jealous rage. which manifested itself in more emotional, psychological bullshit..but thats another post all together. i sat out during my lunch time today, reading a chapter on ‘ violence in intimate relationships: a feminist perspective. – talking back ( book). trying to intellectualize violence in intimate settings and include perhaps an understanding on same sex relationships. i understand how patriarchy with its overt poison can permiate through male/female relationships, tip the precarious balance so to speak. i understand that. on a feminst/pedogagy/intellectual/i saw it happen to my grandmother type of gut feeling. i understand that. now, when it manifests itself between two black women who are lovers. wow. wow wow..now, i don’t get that. so, i’m thinking, what is the difference. is it because violence is enacted between women. what is so different between women and men? aren’t they just people figuring out how to deal with their shyt in the world. yes, that is true. i remember growing up getting punished to no end at the hands of my mother. and it was considered ok. after all, there was the old proverb, spare the rod and spoil the child. physical punishment between parent and child was after all sanctioned and considered a proper way of rearing. i feel like im steering off the path here. im going somewhere with this.. i think.. but back to the situation that i was in.. for three consecutive nights, i felt dirty. and i scrubbed myself repeatedly, over and over again. i wanted to remove this stain, this mark of dis-ease that made her want to hurt me. but thats messed up isn’t it. because nothing i could do would be the it that would make her want to stop. see, how twisted shyt can be. i think i also wanted to clear myself from any scum/dirt/mark that had been left on my psychic. there was that scar that run across my neck. & then, there was that fear. i don’t think there is anything that can remove that fear. that fear that crusts ones eyes when you see your lover turn into a hideous monster right infront of your eyes. & the knowledge that you are smack, right in the middle of some bs & you have no where to run. & to realize that even though it happened to me once, and i will never, ever forget it. there are those in this world who deal with this every single day. wow. the very thought is staggering. it truly is. & it breaks my heart. so now it’s been six months, so what…well, i’m alive. i can actually say, i am alive..i’m not as messed up as i felt. i’m not as broken down as i felt. what i realized besides the huge boulder of silence that instantly comes into play, is how little in terms of resources for sgl folks. i’d like to say that i was instantly connected to a plethora of resources. nah. it’s not like its available in the yellow pages. & if it wasnt because of speaking to my friends (a & i ), months after, while i was still reeling through the drama that i realised there was a resource center in the metropolitan area. to be honest, i hadn’t felt so ashamed as i did after it happened. i don’t even know where it come from. intellectually, i knew that none of my behaviour warranted any kind of drama type of behaviour. but inside, i felt so worthless. i felt like shyt. i really felt like what the f*ck is wrong with me. & also it felt so surreal. like it wasn’t happening to me. & if it wasn’t for my friend d who watched everything unfold. i swear i’d think i had made it up. & i am so glad that she was there because there was a witness. a witness who would probe me gently thereafter and ask how i was doing, because dude, why lie, i felt it was so unbelievably untrue and wasn’t happening. as i get to intellectually, emotionally, spiritually & physically navigate through this experience, i would like to honor my friends both online and in real time ( what is that anyway..lol ), who have in their own ways nurtured, probed & soothed my spirit with such loving and kind ways. i want to say asante sana ( thank you ). & indeed our silences will not protect us.

i’m still a work in progress.

changes…

June 28, 2007
The Boundaries Of Experience
Expanding Your Comfort Zone

None of us are born with a guidebook that provides explicit rules for thought and behavior that will enable us to navigate life successfully. To cope with the myriad of complexities to which all of humanity is subject, we each develop a set of habits and routines that ground us, their continuity assuring us that life is progressing normally. Most of us know, whether instinctively or by experience, that transformations can be uncomfortable, but we always learn and gain so much. Any initial discomfort we experience when expanding our comfort zones diminishes gradually as we both become accustomed to change and begin to understand that temporary discomfort is a small price to pay for the evolution of our soul.

Your current comfort zone did, at one time, serve a purpose in your life. But it is representative of behaviors and patterns of thought that empowered you to cope with challenges of days past. Now, this comfort zone does little to facilitate the growth you wish to achieve in the present. Leaving your comfort zone behind through personal expansion of any kind can prepare you to take the larger leaps of faith that will, in time, help you refine your purpose. Work your way outward at your own pace, and try not to let your discomfort interfere with your resolve. With the passage of each well-earned triumph, you will have grown and your comfort zone will have expanded to accommodate this evolution.

Whether your comfort zone is living with your parents, or perhaps being too shy to socialize, or maybe it’s not realizing your spirit self—whatever it is, start small, and you will discover that venturing beyond the limited comfort zone you now cling to is not as stressful an experience as you imagined it might be. And the joy you feel upon challenging yourself in this way will nearly always outweigh your discomfort. As you continue to expand your comfort zone to include new ideas, activities, goals, and experiences, you will see that you are capable of stimulating change and coping with the fresh challenges that accompany it.

i work for a bank and im on the phone all the time. its mad monotonous and it got on my nerve like yesterday. i tell myself that with the job comes a reliable health insurance plan. i don’t need a medic to tell me how good aetna is. i am the happy recipient. each infusion that i go for is $16,000. i only pay for the drs visit. i begin my new schedule this sunday. its an earlier shift. my doggs, my sanity and body will be forever grateful for the change. with it, comes a decrease pay rise which when talled at the end of the year its about $1,200. i am very, very nervous. each penny, cent, dollar goes a long way especially since the last one year or so, i’ve been working less than 40 hrs. i don’t want to dwell on the decrease of my pay. yet. its right there. on the tilting scale comes the exhaustion that constantly wears my body down. since the surgery last year, i haven’t fully regained my strength. & i’m thinking with an earlier shift coupled with the medication and infusion, plus the change of diet.. hardly eating meat.. i may get back into yoga.. yea!! & then, i read daily om. faith. faith. faith…

not a mighty heart

‘A Mighty Heart’ theatrical trailer

since ‘ a mighty heart.’ premiered last week, i have had mixed feelings about the interpretation of the movie from the book. i suppose it is from the linguring disgust i felt after watching last king of scotland. whereby inasmuch as the facts of the movie were correct. idi amin was a mass murderer there was a sense of voyeurism with western overtones that i didn’t quite appreciate and like. now reading the commentary by asra q. nomani, leads me to belief that perhaps i will feel the same way about the movie.